moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
