Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
