I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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