The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
