He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
