I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I want to fling myself into the sun
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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