I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
