the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
