I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
