I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
