You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
