So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
