i just had sex bonerless
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
