Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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