I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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