My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
