You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
