I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
