His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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