Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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