everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
