if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
