Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
