so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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