It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
