sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
