Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
