She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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