his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
