Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
