is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize