Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
