ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
