Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
