you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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