I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
