spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
