I love black thongs
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
