Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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