watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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