i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
