kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
