Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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