I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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