my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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