I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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