Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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