He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
