I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
