I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
