Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
