the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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