Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
