she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
