Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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