At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
did i just pee glitter
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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