normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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