Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
