I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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