I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
