He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
