She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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