I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
