i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
