I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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