I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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