does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
