he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
