I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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