I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
