based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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