The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
