you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
