I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
