she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize