I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I die, sorry about rent.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
